i was recently forced to write a small blurb about an outing to a Jays game for work. which in turn forced me to look up baseball terms on the internet because i know nothing about sports and i wanted to say something a little better than "we hit a home run with this one!" (sidebar: i actually tried to write that and my fingers rebelled of their own will). anyway, i found this "baseball slang dictionary" that had quite a few interesting terms. i know all sports involve a lot of same-sex touching, but baseball has actually worked their homo-eroticism into the slang. let's play a little Balderdash:
Caught Looking
Slang definition: Striking out on a called third strike. (sidebar: HUH??)
My Balderdash answer: When a man sneaks a peek at the goods in the urinal next to him.
In the hole
Slang definition: The batter scheduled to hit after the hitter who is on deck.
My Balderdash answer: Sex.
Moon Shot
Slang definition: A home run that is hit particularly high and long.
My Balderdash answer: Anal penetration.
Pickle
Slang definition: When a baserunner is caught in a rundown.
My Balderdash Answer: Penis.
Rubber Game
Slang definition: The deciding game of a 3 or 5 game series that is tied 1-1 or 2-2.
My Balderdash answer: A game to decide which guy wears the rubber (and therefore penetrates the rubber-less).
And this weird one, just for fun:
Five o'clock hitter
Slang definition: refers to a hitter who hits well in batting practice (which is held around 5:00 p.m. for night games) but not well in games.
My Balderdash guess: A guy who comes home from work and hits his wife if his dinner isn't made.
now, i'm going to Staples for the fourth time today.
love sbg
the great pumpkin heist
children beware - there's a pumpkin thief on the loose. apparently a farm in exeter (a.k.a. the boons outside of london) was recently the victim of a pumpkin heist. according to the police and the farmer, it looks like it was a professional job.
um... are there professional pumpkin thieves?
okay, okay, this is actually serious. it was 5,000 pumpkins. the thief stands to make a pretty penny if he/she were to sell each at $5-$10 a head (pun intended). and as the farmer tells it, pumpkins have been scarce this year. but it's just so ridiculous that this is headline news. not murders, not drugs, but pumpkin thievery. oh, my bad -- professional pumpkin thievery.
my guess is that this is more than a one-man job. pumpkins are heavy. and they can't just sell them all at once, or it would be suspicious. it'll be like canal street in new york - they'll come up to you mumbling while you're walking down the street, "pumpkins, big pumpkins, great for carving, i'll sell them to you cheap" and then you'll have to go to some dingy parking lot where they'll have the pumpkins in the back of a van.
i bet there's a lot of pumpkin envy around here. like, who has the biggest pumpkin, who carved it the best, most innovative or some shit like that. my coworker's husband carves about 4 pumkins at halloween. her mother carves about twenty. seriously, who has the time or inclination to carve 20 pumpkins if not to make the neighbours feel inadequate?
when i lived in toronto, i was one of the people who turned out the lights to avoid kids coming begging for candy. then i had to hide in the bushes when i wanted to have a smoke, lest i be spotted by an errant trick-or-treater.
anyway, if you see a pumpkin rolling down the street, it has probably escaped and is making its way back to the farm. it probably has valuable information about where the other pumpkins are being stashed too. do what you must.
always,
sbg
um... are there professional pumpkin thieves?
okay, okay, this is actually serious. it was 5,000 pumpkins. the thief stands to make a pretty penny if he/she were to sell each at $5-$10 a head (pun intended). and as the farmer tells it, pumpkins have been scarce this year. but it's just so ridiculous that this is headline news. not murders, not drugs, but pumpkin thievery. oh, my bad -- professional pumpkin thievery.
my guess is that this is more than a one-man job. pumpkins are heavy. and they can't just sell them all at once, or it would be suspicious. it'll be like canal street in new york - they'll come up to you mumbling while you're walking down the street, "pumpkins, big pumpkins, great for carving, i'll sell them to you cheap" and then you'll have to go to some dingy parking lot where they'll have the pumpkins in the back of a van.
i bet there's a lot of pumpkin envy around here. like, who has the biggest pumpkin, who carved it the best, most innovative or some shit like that. my coworker's husband carves about 4 pumkins at halloween. her mother carves about twenty. seriously, who has the time or inclination to carve 20 pumpkins if not to make the neighbours feel inadequate?
when i lived in toronto, i was one of the people who turned out the lights to avoid kids coming begging for candy. then i had to hide in the bushes when i wanted to have a smoke, lest i be spotted by an errant trick-or-treater.
anyway, if you see a pumpkin rolling down the street, it has probably escaped and is making its way back to the farm. it probably has valuable information about where the other pumpkins are being stashed too. do what you must.
always,
sbg
the effin' flies
there is nothing more annoying than flies. well, bees maybe. but bees are kinda scary, which takes away from the annoyance. but flies - they just won't get the eff out of your face. right now there is a fly, one of those big fat ones, flying around me at my desk. AT MY DESK. on friday there was one trapped in the car with me and while i was driving on the highway and it was like landing on my forehead. WHILE I WAS DRIVING ON THE HIGHWAY. i kept trying to kill it with a little stuffed teddy bear i got in my mcdonald's happy meal.
i just hate the effin' flies. that's all.
love sbg
i just hate the effin' flies. that's all.
love sbg
