Wedding Nightmares

It may surprise you to read this, but I actually like weddings. I like when the groom chokes up in the middle of his vows, when his new father-in-law gives a speech and says, "welcome to the family, son", and how the bride really does look more beautiful than she ever has before. But I went to a wedding this weekend that had me giggling in the church and cursing at the reception hall. Here's how it went down:

The Ceremony
The minister hit all the usual highlights - Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, etc. But then, just before the bride and groom exchanged vows, he gave this big speech that started like this: "Marriage has the potential for tremendous pain (long pause) and joy. When you choose to enter into a union like this, you can be hurt so much more than if you were single, because you're putting your happiness into the hands of another person." It went on and on like that, and then he said, "With this in mind, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Um, is someone supposed to say "I do" after that? Kudos to the minister for actually making singlehood look attractive at a wedding.

Then the time came to exchange rings. After the best man handed the ring to the groom, the minister said, "Place the ring on the bride's finger... as far as it will go... and repeat after me." Really? A fat comment during the wedding ceremony? I would have punched him in the face.

The Reception
Surprise, surprise, I was the only black person there. Luckily, since I consider assimilating one of my superppowers (is that bad?) I was not worried. But perhaps I should have been. There were five people at the table - two couples and one single guy. The couple to our right and the single guy introduced themselves. The couple to our left refused to meet our eyes and made no moves to introduce themselves. At first, I just chalked it up to bad manners, but then another (white) single girl joined our table and they instantly started chatting her up. And it didn't end there. The whole night, they refused to speak, or even look, in our direction. They wouldn't offer or pass us the bread, they kept the white wine all to themselves - offering it only, of course, to their new single girl BFF. They did occasionally speak to the couple and single guy to our right, unless of course they were talking to us, in which they also were shunned.

But I rose above. I was the bigger person. I did not punch anyone in the face. I did not comment that the wife looked old enough to be the husband's mother. I merely smiled when she mentioned that her son gave her away at their wedding. When the water jug was refreshed on my side of the table, I made it accessible instead of drowning them both in it. And the second that we were able to talk to and congratulate the bride and groom, I got the fuck out of dodge.

love sbg